Ass Whuppin'

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Mistakes Were Made

Instant

Destroy target artifact or enchantment. Create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token for each fire extinguisher you can see from your seat.

0.1 /10

$0.02

Gobsmacked

Enchantment — Aura

Enchant nonland permanent
As Gobsmacked enters the battlefield, choose a person outside the game.
As long as you can see the chosen person from your seat, enchanted permanent can't attack or block, and its activated abilities can't be activated.

0 /10

$0.01

Side Quest

Sorcery

Target player in an Un-game you can see from your seat gains control of target creature you control until your next turn. At the beginning of your next upkeep, put two +1/+1 counters on that creature. (A creature is on the battlefield of only the game its controller is playing.)

10 /10

$0.07

Amped Up

Sorcery

This spell costs less to cast for each electrical socket in a wall or floor you can see from your seat.
Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature. Until end of turn, it gets +3/+0 and gains haste.

0.1 /10

$0.03

Now You See Me . . .

Instant

Exile target creature you control, then return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with X +1/+1 counters on it, where X is the number of mirrors on walls you can see from your seat.

0.1 /10

$0.01

Questionable Cuisine

Sorcery

Return up to two target creature cards from your graveyard to your hand. Create a Food token for each trash can you can see from your seat. (It's an artifact with ", , Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.")

0.2 /10

$0.01

Super-Duper Lost

Instant

Put target creature into its owner's library just beneath the top X cards of that library, where X is the number of doors you can see from your seat.

0.1 /10

$0.04

Cankerbloom

Creature — Phyrexian Fungus (3/2)

, Sacrifice Cankerbloom: Choose one —
• Destroy target artifact.
• Destroy target enchantment.
• Proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)

9.8 /10

$0.28

Jaya Ballard, Task Mage

Legendary Creature — Human Spellshaper (2/2)

, , Discard a card: Destroy target blue permanent.
, , Discard a card: Jaya Ballard, Task Mage deals 3 damage to any target. A creature dealt damage this way can't be regenerated this turn.
, , Discard a card: Jaya Ballard deals 6 damage to each creature and each player.

5.7 /10

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Lux Cannon

Artifact

: Put a charge counter on Lux Cannon.
, Remove three charge counters from Lux Cannon: Destroy target permanent.

8 /10

$1.89

Molten Collapse

Sorcery

Choose one. If you descended this turn, you may choose both instead. (You descended if a permanent card was put into your graveyard from anywhere.)
• Destroy target creature or planeswalker.
• Destroy target noncreature, nonland permanent with mana value 1 or less.

6.9 /10

$0.91

Nicol Bolas, Dragon-God

Legendary Planeswalker — Bolas

Nicol Bolas, Dragon-God has all loyalty abilities of all other planeswalkers on the battlefield.
+1: You draw a card. Each opponent exiles a card from their hand or a permanent they control.
?3: Destroy target creature or planeswalker.
?8: Each opponent who doesn't control a legendary creature or planeswalker loses the game.

8.9 /10

$2.80

Reaper King

Legendary Artifact Creature — Scarecrow (6/6)

( can be paid with any two mana or with . This card's mana value is 10.)
Other Scarecrow creatures you control get +1/+1.
Whenever another Scarecrow enters the battlefield under your control, destroy target permanent.

7.5 /10

$4.50

Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre

Legendary Creature — Eldrazi (10/10)

When you cast this spell, destroy target permanent.
Indestructible
Annihilator 4 (Whenever this creature attacks, defending player sacrifices four permanents.)
When Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre is put into a graveyard from anywhere, its owner shuffles their graveyard into their library.

9.7 /10

~$34

Vraska the Unseen

Legendary Planeswalker — Vraska

+1: Until your next turn, whenever a creature deals combat damage to Vraska the Unseen, destroy that creature.
?3: Destroy target nonland permanent.
?7: Create three 1/1 black Assassin creature tokens with "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, that player loses the game."

8.4 /10

$0.41

Abrupt Decay

Instant

This spell can't be countered.
Destroy target nonland permanent with mana value 3 or less.

9.8 /10

$2.63

Argentum Masticore

Artifact Creature — Phyrexian Masticore (5/5)

First strike, protection from multicolored
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Argentum Masticore unless you discard a card. When you discard a card this way, destroy target nonland permanent an opponent controls with mana value less than or equal to the mana value of the discarded card.

6.9 /10

$0.11

Art Appreciation

Sorcery

Put an art sticker on a nonland permanent you own. Then ask a person outside the game to rate its new art on a scale from 1 to 5, where 5 is the best. When they rate the art, up to that many target creatures can't block this turn.

0 /10

$0.02

Atomize

Instant

Destroy target nonland permanent. Proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)

7.3 /10

$1.60

Big Game Hunter

Creature — Human Rebel Assassin (1/1)

When Big Game Hunter enters the battlefield, destroy target creature with power 4 or greater. It can't be regenerated.
Madness (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

8.9 /10

$0.29

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